Many people have a bad habit that lowers their self-esteem to nothing. Because of a single shortcoming or one instance of back luck, they lose faith in themselves. A child may say, for example “I’ll never get that done,” “I’m a loser,” or “I’m ugly.”
I suggest that you do the “100 character traits” exercise that formulates appropriate self-esteem – not too low and not too high.
- Write down 100 items – clear criteria that you and your child can evaluate
These may include:
— Voice, ability to sing, or to tell a good story,
— Sports or other abilities,
— Character traits.
You do have to write everything out specifically, not just in general. For example, not generally APPEARANCE, but specifically: hair, eyes, eyebrows, nose, cheeks, chin, neck; for a girl add: breast, legs, buttocks, etc. – anything to do with the figure. That’ll be at least 10 items. Keep going down the list until you write out all 100.
2. Ask your child to evaluate each item as it pertains to them on a scale of 1 to 10.
While they are doing each item, you evaluate the same items for yourself. As a result of doing the first part of the exercise, you and your child will have evaluated 100 items each for yourselves.
3. Exchange your papers and discuss the values.
For example: your daughter gave her HAIR item a five. You can say, “I would give an eight. You have pretty hair, nice to the touch, soft, they gleam in the sun and the color is natural. It’s strange that you only value them to a 5, I think your hair deserves a solid eight!”
Or your son puts a three in the “SOCCER” item. You saw him, however, tirelessly running in the field, dodging opponents, helping out the defense. Tell him about it, “YOU are one of the best on the team and you crack your opponents like nuts. You’re an iron-cast nine! Practice and you’ll be a ten!”
Go through every item that way.
How this exercise helps you and your child
This exercise leads to a balanced model of self-evaluation and your child will stop downgrading all their virtues to zero because of a single shortcoming.
— I may have a five for slimness, but my school work is ten.
— I may have a four for running, but I have an eight for drawing.
— I may have fat ankles, but I have a nine for dancing.
You will also realize what you can improve and how, which areas you should work on and which you can disregard.
A human cannot be perfect in everything. It is impossible to get a ten in every area.
Take a careful look at these values; you may decide that your child has no need of certain knowledge or skills.
— If your child has a four in singing maybe you should get rid of it. On the other hand, he has a ten in soccer – a skill admired by his classmates, friends and the PE teacher.
Make sure to do the exercise. It is only a small part of bringing up your child as a leader. If you are interested in nurturing your child’s leadership skills, you can purchase my training on How to Make Your Child a Leader.
The training will tell you:
— Who becomes the alpha leader in a group of children and why.
— How to teach your child to influence others.
— How to nurture a child’s leadership traits.
— How to build up a child’s appropriately high self-esteem.
— How to teach a child to control their emotions.
— How to avoid bad influences and wrong crowds.
— How to teach your child to act effectively, reach their goals and be successful.